Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
