Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
its not stalking. its research.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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