um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
