dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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