i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
