I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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