Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
