i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
