I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
