Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
