thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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