I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
