allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
