dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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