Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
