ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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