i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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