do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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