maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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