got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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