I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
