every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
im six kinds of drunk right now
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
