I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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