I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
