coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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