she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
