i need an iv and a liver transplant
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
