So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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