Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
