he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
