if you like me you must not know who I am
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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