return my video game
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
