she was so not down for the gang bang
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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