what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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