A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
