i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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