everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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