I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize