Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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