I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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