Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
