you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
