I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
