There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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