pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
