Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
