I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
