I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
