I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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