my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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