so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
