I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
