great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
