if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
