Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
