Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
