Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize