Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
