I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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