i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
