you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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