you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
