dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
