Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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