you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize