perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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