I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
