Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
