What a fucking waste of an outfit
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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