Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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