One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
