i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
