I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
