When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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