____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
