Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize