I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
