she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
