my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
