something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
