Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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