she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
