Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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