but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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