Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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