bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize