Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
