Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Boobs speak an international language.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
