so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
