someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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