He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
