he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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