Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
wakey wakey hands off snakey
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
