so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
