if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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