hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
