We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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