I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize