It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
