I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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