I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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