I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
