i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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