This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
