You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
