I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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