Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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