tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
