dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize