yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I need moral support for this bender
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize