Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
