I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
