you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
