So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
